Over the past three weeks, we’ve been exploring some of the core principles of transformational coaching — bringing the coaching into the present moment, meeting what we find with unconditional acceptance, and helping our clients access a wider sense of self.
You can find those articles here:
So far, these principles have centered on the client’s experience — and how we meet it.
But transformational coaching invites us to listen in another direction, too:
What’s happening inside you.
As coaches, we naturally listen closely to our clients — to their words, their emotions, their tone, the way their body responds as they speak.
But if we’re only listening to the client, we may be missing an entire channel of information.
Next time you’re with a client, I invite you to notice…
What happens in your own body as you sit with this person?
Do you notice yourself tightening or softening? Leaning in or pulling back? Feeling rushed, energized, quiet, confused?
What you feel in the presence of your client can point toward something that hasn’t yet been named — and sometimes open up a new direction in the conversation.
This doesn’t mean your experience tells you definitively what is happening for them.
What arises in you may reflect something happening in the relationship — or it may have more to do with your own experience.
But when you hold what you notice lightly, and share it as your experience rather than as a conclusion about theirs, it becomes something you can explore together.
In this fourth video in my series on transformational coaching, I explore this principle of Bringing Yourself Into the Coaching Conversation — and how listening to your own experience can deepen what becomes available between you and your client.
As you watch, I’d love to hear what this brings up for you. You can share your reflections in the comments below.
With care,
Joel
Hi Joel,
Thank you so much for this series, it is so valuable for me.
I’m a Trauma Informed Coach, specializing in working with clients who live with autoimmune and chronic diseases, having lived with Crohn’s Disease myself for almost a decade – now in remission without any symptoms.
My journey was one of immense transformation and healing to bring me to the place I am now where I can be a vector of safety for my clients.
I just had a beautiful coaching session with one of my clients, really struggling to deal with the grieving process of the person she used to be and the reality of the person she has become and living in a body with so many limitations. She is undergoing such a beautiful transformation, but is struggling with the emotions of what feels like a disconnect between her old and new life.
I feel that and noticed not only her feelings, but also the connection between us and seeing my own story of transformation, because I can so deeply recognise the emotions she is experiencing – like looking at both of us from an outside perspective, looking inwards.
I am humbled to be able to walk this path of healing and recognition with her towards feeling safe in her own body again, having walked that path myself.
Hi Este!
Thank you for your wonderful reply. Being aware of the connection to our clients can indeed be so profound and powerful! It’s an honor to be able to walk this path with you in some way. Thank you for being here with us.
What a beautiful reply. This really touched me Este.
Such a beautiful practice. I like the call for the coach to be vulnerable and give voice to something they are noticing about the connection. Thanks Joel!
Hi Erin! It’s so good to hear that you enjoyed the practice and that you like the call to be vulnerable as the coach and to name what you’re noticing in the connection with the client. It can be so powerful!