One of my team members told me a story this week that has stuck with me…

I recently interviewed two women who were taking part in our Unlocking Leaders training.

At one point, our conversation turned to a challenge they had both encountered in their work.

We talked about how some clients resist embodied work because it can feel weird, or a little too “woo.” And yet, when we remain entirely in the conceptual mind, we lose access to so much of the intelligence available to us. Without tapping into the wisdom of the body, our coaching can lose some of its effectiveness.

One woman shared how she helps analytically minded clients cross that threshold.

The other immediately recognized what she was describing and brought in an experience of her own.

The more we followed the thread, the more alive the conversation became.

At one point, I saw a possibility for something we might bring into the course to address this concern more directly.

And I immediately got the chills.

At the risk of sounding too “woo” myself, that was my indication that we were onto something.

Something was emerging.

Later in the conversation, we all talked about that moment, recognizing none of us would have had that idea alone. One of the women described it as “a group generation thing.”

I love that. Because while I voiced the idea, it never felt like it came from me alone. 

Modernity has taught us to understand the world by dissecting it.

We isolate things so that we can study them — extracting them from their context to bring each individual part into clearer focus.

We break complex systems apart in the hope that, by understanding each component, we will understand the whole.

This way of thinking has given us extraordinary knowledge and power.

But it has a shadow — coloring how we see ourselves and each other. 

We have learned to think of people as separate, self-contained individuals, carrying a fixed set of qualities inside them.

This person is confident.

That person is resistant.

This person has leadership capacity.

That person lacks it.

But humans are dynamic beings.

And I don’t just mean that we can grow and change. 

We are all part of living systems. And who we are cannot be isolated from our context — the relationships and communities we exist within. 

A person may struggle to find their voice in one environment and speak with extraordinary clarity in another.

Someone may appear closed or resistant in one relationship and become curious, expressive, and alive when they feel genuinely met.

Who we are in any moment arises, at least partly, through what surrounds us:

Through the people around us and the quality of connection between us.

Through what the larger system is inviting, permitting, or making possible.

This is what I mean when I say that relationship is primary.

Relationship is not merely something that happens between two already formed, independent individuals.

It participates in shaping who those individuals can become.

The relationship itself is alive. It has qualities, patterns, possibilities, and an intelligence of its own.

This points towards one of the most potent shifts I feel happening in the coaching world.

A movement away from seeing life as a collection of separate objects and toward a more contextual, process-oriented, and ecological way of seeing.

Thich Nhat Hanh used the word interbeing to express this understanding — that nothing exists entirely by itself. 

At the heart of this teaching is a call to remember that connection is not only something we consciously create. We are already deeply interconnected — with one another, with the living world, and with all that makes our existence possible.

As he wrote:

“We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness.”

We do not become ourselves in isolation.

We arise through relationship — with one another, within our communities and cultures, and as part of the larger living world.

Perhaps this is part of why so many of us feel called toward community right now. Because connection can evoke something in us. 

It can call forward capacities that remain dormant when we are alone. Reveal possibilities we cannot yet see. 

And it can create the conditions for more of who we are to emerge.

We can bring this into every coaching session. 

Each conversation is a living relational process. 

So next time you’re with a client — or in deep conversation with a loved one — pay attention to what’s happening between you.

You might ask yourself:

What is the quality of the connection between us right now?

What is the song they’re playing?

What is our interaction calling forward in each of us?

What feels alive in me — and in the space?

Can I offer a depth of presence — and enough space — for whatever is emerging to reveal more of itself?

These questions invite us to become more conscious of what has always been true:

We are not isolated beings acting upon one another. We are participants in living systems.

The invitation is to attune more closely to what’s alive in the relationship — to make contact with it, stay with it, and give it enough attention to reveal more of itself.

Because sometimes the greatest wisdom does not come from either person alone.

But from the intelligence that emerges between us.